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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground
with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized
society, it is called golf.
The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon
takes up work to get his mind off golf.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of
poor players!
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight
and not too often.
There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons,
practice constantly - or start cheating.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice - once
before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it
cannot count, criticize or laugh.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are
those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends,
play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words
were taken. Golf is a game, invented
by God to punish guys who retire early.
Golf is like life.. you strive for the green, but end up in
the hole.
You spend more time on the beach than David Hasselholf!
Forget about all those "how to" books, videos and
articles. The only sure way to save strokes is with an eraser!
You know you're a hack when your divot flies farther than
your ball!
I enjoy shooting in the 120's. I figure I'm getting more for
my money.
The difference between a whiff and a practice swing is that
nobody curses after a practice swing.
Oxymoron: An easy par three.
Golf never made it as an Olympic sport. It is more properly
a Special Olympic sport because everyone who enters has a handicap.
Hey, that was a great shot, straight as a dime!
What must a golfer shoot to assure tournament victory? - The
rest of the players.
If golf is good exercise, why isn't mowing the lawn?
"My game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever
regripped!"
Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls!
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players
well.
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt.
Real golfers have two handicaps: one for braggin' and one
for betting'.
Golf is an easy game... it's just hard to play.
How is golf like fishing? - Both mysteriously encourage
exaggeration.
The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is the
income tax!
Why is it that the same spouse who can't add when it comes
to the family budget at home turns into a mathematician on the golf course?
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can hit
either one more club or two more balls.
The only sure way to find a drive sliced deep into the woods
is to hit a provisional ball 260 yards down the middle.
Golf Ball: "A small object that remains on the tee
while a perspiring citizen fans it vigorously with a large club.
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