There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course, swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement.  The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." The Lord smiled. "Think about it-who can he tell?"

A man is out playing golf and is having the round of his life. He comes up to the 17th hole, a long par 5 with a large oak tree in the middle of the fairway. He hits a beautiful tee shot down the left side of the fairway. When he gets to his ball, he finds that there is one limb hanging over the fairway that may interfere with his 2nd shot. The man thinks to himself, "Do I pull out a 7 iron and play it safe or do I pull out the 3 wood and go for it?" The man has been having the best round of his life so he decides to pull out the 3 wood and go for it. He hits his second shot which hits the overhanging limb, bounces straight back at him striking him in the head and instantly kills him. Now the man is at the Pearly Gates and is standing in front of Saint Peter. Saint Peter is looking in his book and can not seem to find the man's name. Finally, Saint Peter is so frustrated that he asks the man, "How did you get here?" The man replies, "I got here in two."

This hacker approaches the 18th tee box,It's a par 3 island green surrounded by water. Well after his so far terrible day of golf, He decides he had better use an old golf ball. He steps up to put the ball on the tee and hears a voice from above. The voice says, "USE A NEW BALL." So the guy proceeds to pull a new ball out of his bag and tee it up. He hears the voice again. "TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So the guy takes a practice swing. Then he hears the voice again "PUT THE OLD BALL BACK!"

Two men, a priest and an atheist, are playing golf. At the green on the first hole, the atheist, lines up for a short two-foot putt, taps the ball, and the ball slips around the edge of the cup and does not go in. "Dammit, I missed!" exclaims the atheist. The priest then tells the atheist that he shouldn't curse, because God will punish the atheist for doing so.

On the second hole, the atheist tries a particularly aggressive chip shot to get the ball onto the green and instead lands in a sand bunker. "Dammit I missed!" exclaimed the atheist, to which the priest again issued a warning about God punishing those who curse. The round continues in much the same way, with the atheist continuing to exclaim "Dammit I missed!" every time he hits an errant ball (which is quite often), and the priest continues to admonish him about God's wrath.

Finally, they get to the eighteenth hole and the score is tied. The atheist needs to make a two-foot putt in order to win. He taps the ball, and again he misses, and again, he curses his miss. Before the priest can respond, the clouds in the sky open up, and a bolt of lightning shoots out and hits the priest, killing him. Then, from the cloud comes a loud voice "Dammit, I missed."

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"

The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "what are the green fees?".

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Moses, Jesus, and an old, bearded man were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap.

Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water.

Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly.

Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Two guys are playing a round when a sudden thunderstorm forms. As one of the guys is getting ready to run back to the clubhouse, he sees his friend still walking down the fairway, with a club raised above his head.

As he runs to see what is going on he shouts, "Are you crazy, you could get hit by lightning?!"

The other replies: "Don't worry, not even God can hit a 1-Iron